Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Pet Peeves (Flossing)

The following scenario is a true story......Layton, Utah, Gary, a friend of my paintball teams captain, worked as a manager at Ultimate Electronics. He was finishing his house, and was hanging some of the drywall while alone. The walls were finished, but while trying to hang the overhead, he decided to use the only table in the basement at the time, a pingpong table... Needless to say, it collapsed with the weight, he fell and broke both collarbones and wrists attempting to catch himself. At this point his loving wife takes him to the hospital, where he gets the works, he is placed in a upper body cast from the neck to just above the waist, with both arms forward and out. (reminding me of the lumbering monsters in old movies.)

His loving wife now has to do everything for him, feed him, drive him, and various other things...... About all he can do is click the remote and watch TV, he can't even use a mouse to play on the net.
One night in the first week, she sees him settled in with a Big Gulp and the remote, she tells him she's heading for the store and will be gone just a short while. Fine, everything's cool, UNTIL the Big Gulp is about finished, he wanders into the bathroom. Now picture this, he can't hold himself because his arms/hands are about three feet apart in the upper body cast, so he has to sit and hope it drops enough to hit the toilet, he manages to squirm around enough to get it in. BUT.. while sitting there another natural urge overtakes him, fine, he takes a dump also, after all it's natural....

On getting up, he finds he has managed to close the bathroom door behind him, he doesn't know if his wife is home or not, BUT.. he has another problem, he can't wipe himself, his arms/hands are solidly placed a waist level in front of him... he can't open the door, cause his fingers can't grasp the doorknob, he tries his mouth to open the door to yell for his wife to help....if she's even home.. He can't get the door open, and he's made the room very soundproof because it's close to the downstairs family room.

He's in a quandary, he finally cleans himself up a bit by draping ends of one of the nice bath towels over each hand, stepping over it and using a see saw (flossing) motion.
He leaves the towel in the bathtub, as it's now stinky, eventually his wife comes looking for him, and saves him from the bathroom. Of course, she's not happy with the towel or the bathtub, but after the explanation admits he had no choice......

And that leads me to a new "Pet Peeve"..

I know when you're on the road, you've never used a public bathroom, but if you did, have you ever looked at the bathroom tissue, besides being shiny, made from recycled materials, and placed in a can that only distributes 3 squares at a time, it is only about 3 inches wide, get real, Wal-mart, Target, Flying J.. it's just not fair, do the American public a favor, replace your floss with a brand name.

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